So finally, I’m back! (Did you miss me? )
After over a month (1 month and 5 days, to be exact), I’m here again… though I don’t know for how long I will ‘stay.’ As you can probably tell, I’ve been ‘neglecting’ this online ‘home’ of mine, but have been trying very hard not to neglect my real home (though, if you were to surprise me with a visit today, you’d probably think otherwise, with the baskets of unfolded laundry downstairs, and the messy, cluttered play/storage room upstairs!).
A month and more… how time flies!
Yes, it’s been a month and more since I’ve been here, but I have been elsewhere: here, here (a re-hashed post!), here (in case you haven’t read this post about how to homeschool even if you don’t feel like it).
I’ve also been writing my contributions for Make It Blissful (have you congratulated Martine yet? She’s preggy and I can SO relate to her latest post about it! I felt that way A LOT when I was pregnant with Anne!)… and Upside Down Homeschooling (coming soon!).
A lot of my time for work has been spent on editing here, writing/editing for this magazine and this homeschool provider‘s monthly newsletter, doing PR/social media work, and helping promote one of my blog partners — among other things. I prepared for and gave a talk on ‘Caring for Your Elderly Parents’ too, and attended a few blogger events, somewhere in between.
Of course, the majority of my time has been spent with my family… and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
Family time and time with others: The best reason for slow blogging
Since my last post here, we’ve been ‘busy-but-not-so-busy’… learning from life, trying to keep up with chores, organizing our homeschool space (not really a schoolroom!), doing ‘formal’ learning, celebrating Father’s Day, attending community events, relishing time with extended family… just trying to ‘be’… which is not a very easy thing to do for ‘busyholic’ me!
We were also blessed to spend some time in Cebu last week — me, the kids and my parents, while Anthony was at the Hillsong Conference in Sydney (one of the blessings of being part of the Kerygma Conference team!). It was a great #familyfieldtrip, and we had lots of fun bonding with my parents!
We were there to attend a dear friend and sister-in-Christ’s wedding; she is also our former mission teammate (oh how I miss our Timor Leste days!) and Rysse’s ninang (godmother). It was fun catching up with her and other dear friends, and celebrating Rysse’s birthday too, in a way (we didn’t celebrate on her actual birthday because it was our friend’s wedding day, we ended up celebrating for almost the entire week afterwards!).
While in Cebu, I also got to meet up with Mylene, a friend and the hardworking mompreneur behind Moringana, and two fellow homeschoolers (*waves to Mommy Martha and Jenny!) — it was so nice to finally meet these moms, my online ‘friends’ for what seems to be so long, in person!
I’ve also experienced being majorly disappointed lately… which was a very humbling experience for me. In the end though, it all turned out for good. I must confess, too, that we’ve been eating too much ‘junk food’ lately — time to reboot with more fruits and veggies!
The REAL reason for not blogging
Having said all that (sorry to ‘dump’ everything on you all at once, LOL!), I MUST confess the REAL reason why I haven’t been blogging lately… You see, I’ve been getting a lot of comments from people about how I am a ‘supermom,’ how I can ‘do it all,’ and how ‘inspiring’ I am because I work at home, homeschool, care for three kids sans a yaya/helper, etc. etc.
Well, let me come clean with y’all in the spirit of keeping it real (because, after all, that’s what being ‘truly rich’ entails too, right?) — I am NOT a supermom. I am not a perfect mom either. I’ve confessed before (and have recently confessed again, on Facebook) that I don’t love on my kids as much as I should and instead chew them out a lot more often than I should!
I yell, I’m a mean ‘monster’ mom A LOT of times (which is why my kids almost always include, “Please Lord, help Mama not to be angry today” in our morning prayers), I’ve even used my hands to ‘harm and not to help’ before (yup, I’m confessing this here, on the blogosphere!). Our homeschool days can be such a mess (on the days we do homeschool formally, of course!).
Our apartment is a mess (a somewhat organized mess, but a mess just the same!). I nag my husband (*blows Anthony a kiss) more often than I should and sometimes neglect his needs in favor of the kids’. I feel like I don’t spend enough time with my parents and siblings, and that we don’t spend enough time with my in-laws too, especially my mother-in-law (and she’s just across the street from us!).
I haven’t been spending time with my friends either, especially my still single or still childless friends. (I don’t think socializing on Facebook counts, do you?) Thank God for friendships that last because of His grace!
So what am I really saying here then? Why all the ‘confessions’?
All of this imperfection.. this ‘messiness’… That is mostly why I haven’t been blogging.
I’ve been feeling too ‘unworthy’ to blog. I didn’t think that my life — the ‘real’ me, my ‘real’ life with all its sin — was inspiring. Actually, I didn’t want to deceive anyone. I didn’t want to be a hypocrite and make you think that, “Wow, she’s got it all together, man!” when the reality is, I don’t.
Why I’m back
To be honest with you (and thank you, by the way, for reading this post up to this point — don’t worry, I’m almost done!)… I didn’t really feel like coming back here to blog. I didn’t know where nor how to start.
But then I read this post.
It’s as if Melody was speaking/writing directly to me! These are my favorite lines from her post:
“I have my blogging blinders on. I have a firm purpose which I worked out with much thought and prayer while on sabbatical. I am committed to that purpose and to fighting the tendency to blog someone else’s vision. I am also no longer in high school… and I refuse to allow likes, dislikes, accolades, links, awards, pettiness, or any one person to define my major actions or my purpose.
So… do you blog? Because if you do, I want you to read those posts when you have a moment. You may find that you know what these lovely gals are talking about.
And then I want you to repeat after me…
I am a uniquely gifted woman of God. My beauty lies not in how much my blog looks like anyone else’s, but by how perfectly I am responding to His holy will for my life. “
And these lines — so, so, so true!
God wants great and good things from you and perhaps you are having trouble listening over the noise of blogging.
In addition to the blessing of being available for God’s plans, I promise that you will learn two things:
1) That you have (in some measure) an unhealthy attachment to the blogging world.
2) That almost no one truly cares if you blog again or not.
Especially #2! I realized this during the month and more of my unintended blogging break. Almost no one truly cares if I blog again (except for those of you who sent me messages, thanks again for your love!) — and that’s OK!
So why blog again then?
Because of this:
I want to be one of “those who bring [the] good news”… In my imperfection, despite my sins, in spite of my weaknesses, faults and failures.
It doesn’t matter to me if I have 1 or 1,000 followers.
It doesn’t matter to me if no one leaves comments on my posts (but please do if you want to, I promise I’ll reply! ).
It doesn’t matter to me if my posts get “Likes” or are Tweeted or +1′ed.
What matters most is that I am doing God’s will. (Or trying my darndest to!)
And, for now at least, that includes blogging.
To Him be all the glory, now and forever!
So, how have you been during this month and more that I’ve been ‘gone’? Don’t worry, you need not leave a comment, but please do know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers!